Writing is something I’m passionate about, but writing a blog is something I’ve avoided like the plague. So many people have encouraged me to create what you’ve stumbled upon today, but I made excuses not to do it. It’s narcissistic to think anyone would want to read about my life or what I have to say. Who has time to sit around reading about other peoples’ lives, anyway? I sure as hell don’t. It’s terrifying to feel exposed and have something so personal become public. I thought the idea of writing a blog in past tense was stupid. I said, “It’s too late, I should have started a blog a year or two ago.” And it’s true; I should have. But I can’t change the past, and I need to take advantage of the present before it, too, becomes the past. Someone told me, “A blog can be anything you make it.” So I’m going to make it something.
I am a widow and not yet 30 years old. How my “fate” or “bad luck” landed me here, I won’t venture to guess. It’s selfish to make it about me, when my husband is the one who is gone, who’s life was slowly snatched from him.
People deal with loss differently. I think it’s too soon for me to decide how I feel about my journey following my husband’s death and how I dealt with it. I’m proud of some things and not so proud of others. What I can be proud of is the person and wife that I was when he was dying.
This blog will be a look at my journey through my husband’s cancer, my time of grief traveling the world following his death, and my attempt at putting the pieces of my life back together again. I titled my blog “My Feet Will Lead Me” because this whole process has been about putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting that there will be a path there – trusting that somehow, if I just keep going, eventually I will be as close to being whole again as possible. And as you will eventually see, my feet became comically involved in nearly all my travels in one way or another.
Writing feeds my soul; everyone should try it, even if having a reader is never the objective. Since time continues to pass, and the earth continues to rotate, my life too, has to go on. With that comes daily challenges that may or not be related to the loss of my husband. Therefore, my posts may bounce back and forth between my day to day life and the past that has brought me here. It may not always be in chronological order. Sorry to those who’s methodical and orderly brains are disrupted by this – I know mine is, but I have no alternative.
I hope even just one person can find something positive from reading this: maybe some comfort, a sense of commonality, or a perspective of treasuring those in your life while they’re still here. Thank you for reading and giving me a deeper sense of purpose.
Well, hello there!
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I def. Know its very hard for you. I lost alyssas father in a totally dif. Way but this month will be 10 yrs an i still struggle everyday with it.
yeah! wonderful already! I will make time to follow, as morbid as this may sound to some, but besides all the wonderful memories of Mikey, your a piece of him that we are lucky enough to have! Your strength is contagious. Love you girl!
I love it already!! I'm exciting to hear more, especially because I know most of the players!! haha I admire your strength. Looking forward to reading more, now get busy and don't leave us hanging.
I am so happy your doing this Jessica. Inspiring to read more. Thank you. God Bless you and this journey your on.
Thanks you guys, I appreciate it so much! I wish I knew who you anonymous posters are…haha! I will try to not leave you hanging, the posts will come when time allows for it:)
Beautifully written, you have a gift for this, and I am happy you chose to pursue this. I look forward to the other things you have to share. I know Mike must be proud of you for doing this too. Xxoo
Love you! I am SO excited about this! And yes, I am one of those sick people who spends WAY too much time reading about other peoples lives, but I LOVE it! It's the psychologist in me. Please come in and spend the day with me sometime – you can chill on the chaise lounge for old times sake – I have many blogging tips and tricks to talk to you about. I am far from a pro, but I have some ideas.
Well done. My hope and prayer is for this to bring continued healing. Blessing on this path…
I'm so glad you are FINALLY doing this!! Can't wait to read more…always an inspiration Jess 🙂
Dear Jessica, I did not know we shared the same loss of a husband around the same age. I still wonder if losing a husband fast (Meningitas) or a slow painful death like cancer would of been easier. I still feel the guilt for not being in that ambulance when they took him away from me. Not to say goodbye and hold his hand or say goodbye to our daughter. Rachelle and I have just recently been seeking help from beyond to deal with losing someone at such a young age. I am so happy that your path crossed with Chris and that the two of you can seek out all the joys of travel. I went the other way and was scared after losing everything. I now whish I would of followed my dreams as an artist instead of the safe place of government. Having a child I had to make that choice. I do believe in re-incarnation and a second chance at dreams. Love and healing thoughts to you my new friend. Tami
Thanks Tami, I appreciate it. I wonder the same thing about which is harder, a quick and sudden death or a slow one. I guess I feel blessed to have had those few months to really treasure each moment together and say everything we needed to say. I'm so glad I got to meet you, thank you so, so much for reading.
Thank you Debra! I appreciate it so much!
Popping over from Ariel's blog and wanted to say hi and send my support. I cannot imagine what you went through and continue to go through everyday as you heal. You seem like a strong, inspiring women and I look forward to reading.
Thanks Fiona! So nice to have a mutual reader of Ariel's. I love her with all my heart. Thanks for the kinds words and for taking the time to read. This is a new venture for me, but I'm so glad to have stepped out of my comfort zone.