Westside Roadtrip

As I said in my last post, following Mike’s first PLX follow-up appointment in Seattle, we contacted his uncle, Chris, and decided to make an impromptu visit to Whidbey Island. I got directions and drove us to the ferry, Mike used his vaporizer to ease his back pain from sitting in the car so much, and eventually we made it to their house. Neither of us had been to Whidbey Island, but it really is quite beautiful. Mike’s uncle and aunt, Chris and Cathy, and their son Silas and his wife Cindy, lived on the same piece of property. Silas and Cindy lived in the small house and Chris and Cathy technically had a camper in the back yard, but also had a bedroom in the house. They were building their own home on the property at the time. Chris and Cathy gave us their bedroom and stayed in the camper while we were there. That evening they took us out to an excellent Chinese restaurant. We didn’t really know what our plans were; I think we’d assumed we’d just stay one night, but Chris and Cathy encouraged us to stay. In the morning they cooked an enormous breakfast. Mike had to time his pot smoking just right. He’d go through his whole procedure of cleaning the vaporizer, loading it up, and using it for what felt like half an hour, then he’d need to eat within a short window. Then he’d repeat the whole procedure to keep the meal down. That day Chris and Cathy (and their dog) took Mike and I on a driving tour of the island. We went to Deception Pass and walked around, we ate ice cream cones as we walked the length of the wharf, and it was a beautifully sunny day.

It was impossible to forget, though, that while I was having a good time, Mike was putting on a smile, maybe even enjoying bits and pieces of the day, but really still feeling like shit. That kept me from ever truly relaxing. We still had to remember to give him medications every few hours all throughout the day and night. There was no escaping the reality of it and that kept a knot in my stomach during every waking moment.

Mike was exhausted by the afternoon and Chris and Cathy took us back to the house so we could take a nap. While we were sleeping, they prepared a delicious salmon feast on the barbecue that night. When we awoke, Mike went through his ritual vaporizer procedure, then we all gorged ourselves in the camper in the backyard like we were on a camping trip. We agreed to spend one more night; the hospitality and food were too good to turn down. It was a good thing I’d packed us both extra clothes.

The next morning Mike wasn’t feeling great and we decided we’d better head home to Chewelah after breakfast. But after packing up our stuff and driving for a short while, Mike started to feel quite a bit better and slightly adventurous. Over the last couple days, we had talked about how it would be fun to go up to Bellingham, but didn’t really take it seriously. Now, as we were passing signs for routes to Bellingham, he started to say he wouldn’t mind continuing our little journey.

I told him, “You have to make the decision. I don’t care either way. Tell me where you want to go.” We were approaching a light. If we were to get in the right hand lane, I would have to turn and it would take us to the freeway heading south and ultimately back home. I was in the lane heading straight, which would ultimately go north to Bellingham, but with Mike’s indecision, I didn’t switch lanes and get in the right lane. Stopped at the red light, I told him, “If I can get in the right lane to turn before the light turns green, we’ll go home.” A line of cars continued to whiz by on the right and there was no gap for me to get in. The light in front of us turned green, so we moved forward with the line of traffic on our new path to Bellingham.

Bellingham holds a special place in my heart. My mom went to college there and it was where her and my dad built their first home that still stands with my dad’s handmade stained glass window in it. Since first grade, my best friend, Ariel, and I had been saying we were going to go to school there and be roommates. When senior year in high school came around, and it was time to apply to colleges, it was a given that we would go there. My freshman year was spent sharing a dorm room with my best friends, Ariel and Sheena. It was one of the most memorable years of my life. I shared an apartment with Ariel our second year of college. That second year in Bellingham, Mike and I had just begun our relationship and were managing the long distance thing. Every other weekend we would alternate visiting each other in Bellingham or Pullman. It was a long year. There is no other place that makes me feel the same nostalgia that Bellingham does. It is a beautiful, special, small city with a funky population, great vibe, and an abundance of outdoor activities.

That day, I realized marked 2 months since Mike had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Everything had evolved since then. And although the state of his health had varied from worse to slightly better, and up and down every day in between, there were still obvious new roles Mike and I took on. When we left our home on April 4th to go to the emergency room, Mike was still himself. He was still my confident, strong, leading husband, despite feeling horrible, and I was still looking to him for guidance. After he’d been given that diagnosis, whether it was consciously or not, we both began taking different roles. I did everything in my power to make him comfortable, I took care of everything from packing our bags, to taking care of doctors appointments, to driving, to carrying everything, to researching medications, to moral support. He was acquiescent, almost with a childlike dependency. He became tired, weak, his eyes lacked life and sparkle, he was pale, skinny and frail, I worried he’d take a wrong step and the diseased bones of his back, hips, and legs would crumble. But his spirit never crumbled. He was deeper, more insightful, and more in touch with his emotions than ever before. For that, Mike was stronger than ever.

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